Recently, we were asked to write our own version of “Notes on Relationships” by Dr. Perry London. Here’s my interpretation and I hope you can gain some insightful for your own personal relationships.
According to “London rules,” relationships are easy to initiate, hard to negotiate, dangerous to deepen, and costly to sustain. I agree with these rules but would like to elaborate.
Initiating relationships, be it with a friend, partner, and/or lover are fairly easy. There’s no science in approaching someone and being genuine in your presentation. This helps to solidify a strong foundation that is built on honesty and trust from the beginning. If these principles are avoided during the initial encounter, it will be impossible for this relationship to flourish into something meaningful and promising.
Maintaining relationships require hard work, dedication, persistence, and diligence. It takes both parties to communicate and interact in a respectful, honest, and trusting way. There must be a mutual understanding on the dynamics of the relationship and its intentions. Anything worth having is worth working hard for and this should apply to every facet of your life. Relationships, be it with a friend, partner, and/or lover, require the same amount of time, energy, and effort to maintain its survival.
Deepening relationships employs both parties wanting the same outcome and working towards it. There can’t be a separation in motives. The common goal is to strengthen and take the relationship to the next level. Being a “doer” more than a “sayer” shows commitment to the cause and closeness. As the structure of the relationship changes, remember to show respect for privacy and boundaries. Sometimes one can go overboard with their exuberance in this area and can cause a dangerous rift in the relationship. Don’t allow unstable emotions to control the outcome of your relationship.
Terminating relationships can be difficult but needed in some cases. Any relationship that is posing to be damaging to your overall existence should be re-evaluated. Sometimes holding onto a negative situation will only bring you more hurt, harm, and danger. It could be the best thing that ever happened to you (depending on the situation). At times it’s hard to let go of something that you’ve grown accustomed to. They almost become a crutch that you feel you have to depend on to survive. When your relationships turn down this road, it’s time to step back and assess the situation. Terminating a relationship should never leave you with a void. It should be a well thought out process that takes into consideration all parties and their feelings. The aim is to let go and move on – not to dismiss and hold onto animosity.
There are no concrete rules I believe when it comes to relationships. Trial and error is the way we ALL draw our own conclusions regarding the topic. No two relationships are the same and shouldn’t be treated as such. They should all be treated as individual situations and the same care and concern should be employed. The same guidelines and principles should also be implicated to give the relationship the best possible chance of survival. Never allow outside sources to come in and destroy any progress that has been made. Experience is the best teacher and we are all still learning.